I'm back!

Hold onto your tits.

Content Warning: Mental health, murder, sexual assault
(as many of you sadly know, some of my posts aren’t for the feint of heart. This piece sorta be one of dem… sorta… I’m traumatised man, and I don’t know what will trigger people, so better just to warn ye than not: This shit is hectic!)

Hey there friend! <3

Long time, no see. What’s been happening in your world?
Me?
Been crazy, but finally coming out the otherside.

The following post is an amalgamation of every single note I never posted in 2025, because I cared too much about what you people on the internet would think of me… Half a year of therapy later and a new attitude; Fuck you all, with love. ;3 x

Here’s to being a cosmic menace in 2026! <3
(Thank you Valerie Wade for dubbing me the best title EVER in 2025, ‘cosmic menace’ is now a core part of my personality. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3)

One of the first photos I ever took of my doggy, Pyjama Fae. Yes, I did name my publication after my dog.

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I’m such an overachiever I’m scoring in the 99 percentiles for people with PTSD.

Reminder to myself: tell my psych about the murders.

My asshole has literally been assaulted and that was fucking painful, so why the fuck does ‘creating my art’ feel as painful and scary to the point I walk away? You’re safe bitch, just pick up the fucking art supplies!!!! God damn.

I cried in the supermarket today… always good to remind people we are not robots.

I tried to tell my partner that our dog sometimes reminds me of a marionette, what came out instead was:
‘French mime clown doll.’

Unzip me doc!!!

You’ve unzipped me doc!!!

Fellas, Ladies just want you to respect them… and NOT play a Dean guitar.

I don’t want to be a spoonful of sugar!... even though I am quite nice.

Where’s the flange? *Lisa Simpson Wanna Fight?*

Image from Matt Groening’s ‘The Simpsons’ season five, episode five “Treehouse of Horror IV” 1993, text added by me.

If there are people out there making titty resin keycaps then surely there is someone out there who makes bespoke titty knobs for guitars? Surely?

Forget about dick size, what’s your guitar tone?

I’m a force of nature ready for the journey of love!

Unless you can actually play that synth, I will chop your fingers off.

I could choose to be civil or go full bush pig.

My mother loves Bon Jovi.
My father loves Whitesnake.
There was no fucking hope for me!

You can still shake a booty in solidarity.

LEENALCHI are who London Grammar wish they were.

Stop calling people ‘Little Wench’ in your head, Aoife. You can’t be doing that!

Fuck your ‘love, light and positive energy,’ I want ‘pain, introspection and growth.’

Bitches really be chancing it with you, Al, but little do they know your girlfriend has a Scorpio Stellium… I will cut a bitch.

In my dream last night, I gave one of my cacti pups to Greta Thunberg in a watermelon flowerpot and she hugged me. Hope.

They call you a radical feminist for just giving a shit about basic human rights.

I finished yoga, took a deep breath in, let it out and started thinking about Frantz Fanon.

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Cosmic menace mode fully activated. I’m coming for you twenty twenty-six.

Love,
Hardcore, no longer meek, Aoif <3